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I Blended My Friend's Pizza

March 25, 2018

Subway Prequel 


The other day I was on an eight hour car trip home from my Nana's 90th birthday with my whole family. We stopped in Grants Pass at the Subway. There I stood in line with my mom and watched an old guy walk in the door with his wife. As they cut in front of us he shouted,


"Hello! I am here to order a hamburger and fries!"        :I


The man was obviously joking, but was VERY precise about how he wanted his sandwich made none the less. Every piece of ham needed to spread to the edges and the tomatoes all needed to be around the same size.


"Is that all sir?" the worker said to the man closing the sandwich up.


"Yes. Now SMASH it. SMASH it good and hard!" 


The worker, without hesitation, did so.


"Yes! Finally, someone knows how to properly smash a sandwich...."  


Nolie, and I frequently joke about how he and I will open up a pizza shop. Only, this won't be your ordinary pizza, it will be served blended and baked into a cracker form™. (yes, we have tested this method, and it's not that bad tasting...) 


It all started when we were assigned to finish topping a pizza Katie was making but then she had to leave unexpectedly. We were adding the toppings onto the pizza all while making sure that every square inch was covered equally in the variety of ingredients. 


Then we got to talking about how we could ensure you got a taste of every ingredient in one bite. Soon, the entirety of dough and toppings were in the blender.


....it looked like vomit. Although, baked into a bread-y cracker: not bad. Could be improved, but not bad. You could really taste everything. 


In doing this I am sure we have disgraced the pizza gods or something, but I think we were really onto something.™


Katie returned, and I watched as she walked into the kitchen and looked confusingly at the pan of reddish brown flatbread.  She picked it up and smelled it and set it back down with a funny look on her face. "Heyyyy guys, where's the pizza???"




I suppose I feel similarly to the cranky old man when it comes to building a perfectly proportioned smoothie bowl, rice bowl, salad, pizza etc. 

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